Some pruning required

After a summer of growth it is often a good idea to prune a tree. Remove the dead wood and make precise decisions about the direction you want the tree to grow in the future. Of course the tree will largely do what it wants but you can but try. So it is with cricket teams. England have just had their most important home series ... until the next Ashes battle, so it’s a good time to wield the axe make some space.

Bell and Collingwood must go. These have been on my personal hobby horse for quite some time, mainly because they are just, well, not very good. Okay, they are rubbish; there you dragged it out of me. People will always say things like ‘ah yes but Collingwood’s effort at Cardiff was instrumental in England saving the game and hence winning the series’, which is true. However, that is largely irrelevant because if you give anyone enough chances they will come up with significant innings. It is not the exceptional performances that matter it’s the everyday ones. Collingwood scored 250 runs at 27.77 and Bell made 140 runs (3 matches only) at 28. That is not only crap, it is what I expected! Put it this way, England have just beaten Australia. If there was a combined XI of the two sides, what are the chances of Bell or Collingwood appearing in it? Exactly.

Cook is one who England has to do something about. On paper he is just as poor as Bell or Collingwood (222 runs at 24.66). He had good series against the West Indies but that was very much the exception. England should consider removing Cook’s central contract and make him work for his place. As it stands he has to do nothing and giving him another year will change nothing.

Harmison, Panesar and Sidebottom should lose their central contract status. All are struggling to make the test side (if at all). Make them justify their place in the side with results as Harmison did recently.

Bopara looks to be a man with talent. He was excellent against the West Indies and awful against Australia. He doesn’t look a natural number three against quality bowling, so maybe he should come in at five (i.e. replace Collingwood). The guy had three consecutive Test centuries earlier in the year so he deserves a chance.

Big Steve

Steve Harmison is a bit of an enigma. He has most things going for him. He is six feet four inches (193cm) tall, strong and healthy. He can bowl with real pace, upwards of 90 mph. He has bags of cricketing talent that in 2004 saw him at the top of the ICC world rankings. He is just thirty so has the best part of five years ahead of him on top the world... and yet he cannot even get in the England Cricket Test team. When he does play he is often a disappointment and is out bowled by players who have nowhere near the stature or experience of ‘big Steve’.

In an interview this afternoon England selector James Whitaker was asked how near Harmison came to selection in Trinidad. His reply was telling, he said that instead of talking about Harmison he wanted to talk about Amjad Khan, a man who had worked hard over the past few weeks and was showing commitment to England. He was pressed on Harmison and he said that the back room staff were losing patience with Harmison. This is a pretty sad state of affairs, if Harmison is not mentally committed to being the best cricketer he can be he should not be on tour for England – in the west Indies on a secure 5K a week. This situation has not just happened, there have been question marks over Harmison’s commitment to training ever since the 2006 tour to Australia. Why has the management taken such a player on tour... again? I am sure there are plenty of bowlers who would love to be in his position.

Off the hook?

I wonder what was said just before England went out to start India’s second innings? Do you think KP said:

“Right guys, we have India in trouble. They need nearly 400 and there is no way they are going to get them. We need to get Sehwag early – he is a bad starter and quite often goes for a single figure start. He loves to have a bit of room, so ‘Big Steve’ and ‘Jim Bob’, I want you to bowl short and wide outside his off-stump. I want you to really telegraph your intentions too so that he is already on the back foot waiting to slap it for six. It will be a difficult task to bowl so poorly, but we are counting on you two guys.”

It is probably the worst spell of new ball bowling I have seen for a while. They fed Sehwag rubbish and he gladly consumed it. I always think Sehwag is a bit like Symonds (but with more talent, obviously) – he is dangerous when he gets to twenty-odd but has no real idea how to get there. Along come Harmison and Anderson who invite Sehwag to an all-you-can-eat square-cutting buffet.

Now that ‘Captain Block’ (Collingwood) has saved his career for another few matches I have a job for him. He is a hard-as-nails northerner and so should become the teams enforcer. Whenever Panasar pitches the ball a foot outside leg stump and appeals for LBW, Collingwood should run over and clip him behind the ear and say ‘idiot’. Similarly when he appeals for a catch and the ball has not got within a foot of the bat -- whack. In addition, whenever Anderson or Harmison bowl a short wide ‘hit me for six’ ball he should catch them at the end of the over and dig them in the rib and say ‘no!’.

Money-go-round

The team to go to Antigua and play the Stanford ‘big money T20’ games was announced today. According to my conspiracy theory it should contain as many of the New Zealand test side as possible… and guess what – it does. It includes Alastair Cook, surely the most unlikely T20 player there is. The only hard hats passed out when Cooky is at the middle are the ones used to have a quick snooze under. It also contains ‘Big’ Steve Harmison. A few months ago people probably thought his international career was over. They had forgotten about the great conspiracy. A test recall and some moderate figures clearly means he is a show-in for Antigua. With people like Cook and Harmison around the likes of Graham Napier didn’t stand a chance…

I have said before that I think central contracts are too long. Steve Harmison, despite spending half the year as not good enough to play for England has been awarded another contract. Michael Vaughan, who made himself unavailable for selection, does not play ODIs and whose form for Yorkshire has been woeful has also had his contract renewed. Is there no requirement for players to deserve their yearlong contract?

Conspiracy, what conspiracy.

Mostly Harmiless

The first two days of the first test match has exercised David Lloyd’s full range of coaching euphemisms for rubbish. In his tenure as England coach Lloyd had to tread lightly with some individuals. What good practice that was for his commentary stints for Sky Sports when Steve Harmison was bowling. We had “He is just easing himself in” and “He still has plenty in the tank” and of course the full “He needs to slip himself”. Sadly, the truth is that Steve Harmison, once the world’s number one ranked bowler, is now rubbish. It is not just the James-Anderson-spray-it-around variety of rubbish either, Harmison was well, crap. It was a bad sign when, after not taking the new ball, his first ball was applauded and cheered by the entire slip-cordon. His accuracy is poor and his pace is even worse. He regularly bowled at 78 mph, and rarely above 82 mph. This is a full ten mph slower than his best pace. That makes him military medium! Spraying it about is one thing, but doing it slowly is laughable.

In addition to being completely unacceptable it is also not unique. Harmison has struggled to earn his place since the 2005 Ashes and quite often has people confounded by his lack of form. Why does England keep picking Harmison? I do not think he would get into any other test nation’s side (go on, name one that does not begin with B), certainly not New Zealand’s; Martin and Mills looked much more menacing. I cannot believe that Stuart Broad would have bowled that ineffectively...